Trust and Faith
by Chicleeblair
Summary: Derek's in an accident and risks losing everything. Can he and Meredith hold on to what they have: each other? MD
1. Stars and Sea

"Cristina!" Meredith called, running out of the locker room to catch her friend's arm. Cristina glared at her and stumbled with her into the room. Meredith closed the door, and then tossed her hair out of her face. "What do you think he's planning?"

Cristina's eyes widened, and she turned towards the door. "Meredith, I don't know. Go home and wait for McDreamy to let you know what he's planning and then you can tell _me_, all right?"

Meredith sighed and plopped down on the bench next to where she had tossed down her scrubs. "Fine…. It's just, he's being so secretive, and I don't like that. It's been almost six months and things are going really well, I don't want anything to change."

Cristina turned away from the door and sat down on the bench next to Meredith. "All right, look, I will say this: you and Shepard are sickeningly cute, and you seem to be doing okay. I don't think any of his crazy schemes are going to rock the boat any time soon, okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, okay. You're right." She smiled, wringing her scrub top around her hands. "I guess I'm just being ridiculous. Thanks Cristina. You should go before Bailey eats you alive."

"Three more weeks of Bailey," Cristina said, with a smile, seeming to relish the thought.

"Uh, Cristina…"

"Yang, what are you doing? I told you to get down to the pit ten minutes ago and I find you here, blackening my good name?"

Cristina turned to face Miranda Bailey, who was standing with her arms crossed in the locker room doorway, her eyebrow raised.

Before Cristina had to cover, Meredith stood up, stepping just in front of her friend. "Sorry, Dr. Bailey, it was my fault. I kidnapped Cristina. Had to ask her something, but we're done now."

"Dr. Grey, I'm so glad that you've decided that I can have my other intern back. Please remember that even three weeks from now, I will be your authority."

"Right. Got it, Dr. Bailey. Dully noted. I'm just going to go now…" Meredith thrust her scrubs into her locker, and then grabbed her purse. She walked past Cristina to the door, gave Bailey a forced smile, which was met with Bailey's classic cold stare, and then dashed into the hallway to the elevator.

When the doors closed in front of her, she leaned against the wall, letting herself relax, just a little. It was not that she was worried, not really. It was that she hated surprises, and Derek had waltzed into the locker room announcing that he had a surprise for her; that he would pick her up at six; and, while he thought she looked gorgeous in anything, she might want to dress up. He had a strange look on his face when he said it too, one that made her worry.

It had been six months, six months of fairly smooth sailing, and she knew what he must be thinking. She had been thinking it too, but she wasn't sure that she was ready for it. If he asked, though, she thought as she walked ot her car, if Derek asked her to marry her, what would she say? It wasn't really a question. She would say yes, of course. And that scared her.

The drive was familiar, and she did not have to focus much as she drove it. Izzie and George had both had the day off, so they were home when she got there. She tossed her purse onto the hall table and called out for Izzie.

"In the kitchen!" Izzie called back, and Meredith realized that she smelled something baking. Meredith followed the smell, Izzie was decked out in her apron and oven mitts, and George was sitting on the counter, hovering over a rack of cooling cookies. "What's up, Mer?" Izzie asked, as Meredith sank into a chair.

She examined her fingernails for a second, and then looked up, "I think that Derek is going to propose tonight," she announced. There was a clatter as Izzie dropped the cookie sheet she was holding. Meredith looked up in time to see a look pass between Izzie and George.

"You guys know something! You know. He's proposing, isn't he?"

"Er… want a cookie?" George asked, thrusting a plate at her.

"No! I want to know what's going on! I want to know why my boyfriend is apparently telling everyone else in my life what he is planning and not me!"

"Meredith, seriously, chill," Izzie said, putting one oven-mitted hand on her hip.

Meredith's jaw dropped. "I will not chill. I want to know--."

Izzie rolled her eyes and pulled off her oven mitts, tossing them to George, who caught them awkwardly and slid off of the counter. "Okay, know what? You and I are going to go upstairs, and we're going to go make you look pretty and you are going to relax, okay?"

She advanced on Meredith, and Meredith stared at her numbly. The next thing she knew, Izzie's hands were on her shoulders and she was being propelled towards the stairs. "You will shower, I will straighten your hair and put on your make-up and pick out your dress like we are in a freaking sorority house waiting for your date, and you will relax about this, because it is Derek and you love him, okay?"

Meredith did not answer, she couldn't answer, she just let Izzie push her into the bathroom, and began to undress on autopilot. As she slid her underwear to the floor she suddenly lost her energy. In just a few hours she could be engaged. Her legs felt weak, and she sat down on the lid of the toilet, resting her forehead on her hand. It was all just a little bit too much. Her year of internship would be over in three weeks, she would be a second-year resident. That would be a lot of stress, stress that might put a strain on any relationship, even hers and Derek's and—

"I don't here water running!" Izzie called, from the hall, and Meredith was snapped out of her reverie. She got into the shower, and let the water wash over her. She attempted to forget about her worries, to think about Derek, who she loved and who, if she was willing to admit it to herself, she did want to spend her entire life with him. It was that thought that carried her through her shower, and allowed her to put up with Izzie's flitting around her with a straightener, and make-up.

"Okay, dress time," Izzie announced, gaily, and Meredith wished that she had her enthusiasm. "I took the liberty of going through your closet, and I found one that I think will be perfect. I've never seen you wear it before, either."

She went into Meredith's room, and returned with a knee length black dress. "I wore that to my med school graduation," Meredith said. "I'd forgotten about it."

"Well, it looks gorgeous," Izzie said, as she helped Meredith slip it on and then zipped it up.

Meredith looked at herself in the mirror, and found that a smile was creeping onto her lips. "Thanks, Izz," she said. "It is nice."

"It's perfect," Izzie said, giving Meredith a quick hug. "You're going to be great. Now go squirrel yourself away in your room, and I'll call you when McDreamy gets here."

"My, we are being traditional today, aren't we?" Meredith teased, with a laugh. Still, she obeyed Izzie and went into her room, perching on the edge of her bed. She glanced at the clock. Five fifty-five.

She took a deep breath and smoothed her dress, waiting. Her mind darted from place to place. She was so nervous, she felt as if it were a first date or something, not like she was nearly thirty years old and simply waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. Her boyfriend who was possibly proposing. She started to fidget, pushing her watch up and down her arm, and glancing at the clock radio. Six-ten. That was strange. Derek was usually maddeningly on time. He didn't know the meaning of the term fashionably late.

At six-fifteen Meredith stood up and began pacing, looking around her room to find something to keep her busy. She located a medical journal that had lodged itself under her bed. It wasn't hers; Derek must have left it there, because she rarely even managed to remember to bring the journals upstairs. She started to leaf through it, but none of the articles could catch her attention for more than a second. She tossed the journal to the ground.

He would not stand her up. He was Derek; he didn't do things like that. He did things like not telling her when he was upset, or deciding to propose with out asking her.

Suddenly, there was a knock on her door, and she jumped up to open it, smoothing her dress, but it was just George.

"Hey," he said, "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay," he said, awkwardly, reaching back and rubbing his neck. "Um, Izzie and I are going to watch a movie, if you want to come down."

"Huh? Oh. No. I'll wait. I'm sure there's something… I'll just wait."

"Okay," George said, and then he turned and went down the stairs. Meredith lingered in the doorway for a minute, and the retreated back into her room, sinking back onto the bed.

After debating for a second, she reached for the phone and dialed Derek's cellphone number.

"Hi, you've reached Dr. Derek Shepard. I'm not available at the moment, so please leave a message."

Meredith pushed her hair nervously behind her ear, even though there was no one to see her. "Hey, um… it's me. Listen, I just wanted to see if something was up or… you said six, right? Because it's six-forty five and… well, I'm sure you're on your way or… something. Okay. I love you."

She hung up, feeling stupid. She tried being annoyed at him for not being there, but all she could be was worried. He called. He always called. It was not right for him to not call. He was Derek. Derek called.

She was going to think about something else. Her residency was starting in three weeks; that was exciting. Her main focus was going to be neuro, and it had taken a while to convince the chief that she had not chosen that just because of Derek. No, not thinking about Derek.

Her mother was doing well. She was finally, finally past Richard in her remembrances, and she usually saw Meredith as a child. It really was not so bad to go back to the times when her mother was still Mommy, but Meredith worried about what would happen if her mother progressed far enough forward in the past (that was paradoxical) to remember Meredith's teenage years. Derek had gone to visit her a couple of times with Meredith, and it seemed to be better during those times.

Dammit, not thinking about Dererk!

Maybe he was stuck in traffic or— Suddenly the phone rang. Meredith dove for it, almost knocking it off of her bedside table.

"Hello? Derek?" she said, breathlessly, trying not to sound as desperate and pathetic as she obviously was.

"Meredith."

"Cristina? What are you doing, aren't you on—"

"Shut up, and listen. Are you sitting down?"

"Yeah… Cristina what's going on?" Meredith asked, feeling panic rise up in her chest.

"Okay, I have to tell you something and you are not allowed to panic, got that?"

"Cristina, for God's sake, what the hell are you talking about?" Meredith heard Cristina draw a deep breath, and in that instant she knew. "Oh God."

"Mer, there's been an accident. A car accident. Shepard's in the ER, he's badly injured and you should probably come down here, all right?" Is someone there who can drive you?"

Meredith felt herself go numb. Her grip on the phone tightened so that she would not drop it, and she swallowed convulsively.

"Meredith? Answer me."

"Yeah. Izzie and George. They will. One of them. Two people can't drive a car at the same time. What am I saying? Yeah. I'm coming."

"Meredith—"

Meredith did not respond. She couldn't. She hung up the phone and went down the stairs, the words 'accident' and 'Derek' repeating themselves over and over in her brain.

When she got to the living room she cleared her throat. Izzie and George were sitting on the couch. Well, actually, George was sitting, and Izzie was lying with her head in George's lap, but Meredith did not have time to think about that right now.

"Hi. Um… that was Cristina. Derek was in a car accident and so I need one o you to drive to the hospital because I can't drive myself and think about the fact that he was going to propose and now he is in the ER at the same time," Meredith rambled, feeling the panic beginning to take over.

They both jumped up, Izzie went to Meredith, wrapping her arms around her friend's shoulders. "We'll take you, Mer. Don't worry." George went into the foyer and got Meredith's purse and her coat. Izzie wrapped the coat around Meredith and then eld her down the steps and to the car.

"Thanks," Meredith said quietly.

"You be strong for Shepard," George said, getting into the driver's seat. "We'll be strong for you."

Izzie nodded, helping Meredith into the passenger's seat, and getting into the back herself.

"Did Cristina say anything else, like how badly--?"

"No." Meredith said curtly, wishing that he would just focus on driving.

"It'll be all right, Mer," Izzie said, reaching up to put a hand on Meredith's shoulder. Meredith leaned away from her, resting her head on the window. Izzie meant well, but she couldn't know that. Maybe things were going too well. Maybe this was what they got.

A/N Yay! New fic! Review please!

Missed you guys and missed writing this!!


	2. We Move Along

The drive to the hospital seemed never-ending, but once they were there Meredith felt as if it had not been long enough. She didn't know what to do, she was numb. Izzie got out of the car and took her arm.

"You don't even know how bad it is," Izzie pointed out. "For all you know he just has a couple cuts and scrapes and he's fine."

"Izzie… you didn't hear Cristina," Meredith pointed out.

They went in the back entrance, it did not even occur to them to actually go through the pedestrian emergency room entrance. Once they were inside the hospital, Meredith felt incredibly out of place in her dress and not in scrubs. The hallways felt long and unfamiliar, even though she went down them every day, day in and day out. It was not until they got to the main treatment room that she regained her ability to act instead of reacting.

"Where is he?" she asked the first nurse that she saw, who just happened to be Tyler.

"Whoa, Meredith, looking good."

"Where is he, Tyler?"

"Trauma one, but--." Meredith cut him off, heading to the room and dragging Izzie with her. There were people all over the place in the room, and Meredith couldn't get through to see him. She heard the beeping of the monitors they had hooked up, but couldn't piece together what they were for, or what might be going on. She tried to maneuver around the nurses to get to the bed in the center of the room, to just see him, and she was making headway, until—

"Grey, what do you think you're doing?"

Meredith looked down to see Bailey blocking her path, her arms crossed.

"I—I have to—I just want—Can I see him? I'm a doctor, can't I just--?"

"No. Right now you are not a doctor, and right now you are going to go wait in the waiting room for me to come out and talk to you."

"But—"

"Stevens, get her out of here."

Meredith felt Izzie's hand grasp her arm and she was being pulled backward out of the room. She tried to fight her off, but Izzie was strong, and soon they were out in the waiting room with all of the families, but Meredith couldn't focus on them. Izzie lowered her into a chair, and she sat, staring straight ahead as Izzie and George sat on either side of her.

"Could you tell what—what they were doing?" she asked them quietly, after a moment.

"No, I—well, I never realized how overwhelming it all is if you you're not a part of it," George admitted.

"Yeah… overwhelming," Meredith repeated. "Very overwhelming…." She suddenly found that she couldn't be sitting any more, so she stood up and started pacing the room.

"Meredith--" George began, but cut himself off.

It was just a few minutes later that Bailey appeared, and Meredith rushed over to her, with Izzie and George standing up too and flanking her.

"Dr. Bailey, how is he? What's going on? What happened?"

Bailey put a hand up to silence her. "He's going to MRI now. He doesn't have any severe external injuries that we can see, but he hit the windshield hard, so Dr. Norrington wants an MRI. He's not conscious yet, but he doesn't show any signs of PVS although he does have a concussion. If he's not awake in the hour then Norrington will go in and relieve some of the pressure on his brain, but it's still to early to tell. I have to go back to the ER, but I promise I'll keep you posted, Grey, all right?"

Meredith nodded slowly.

"Okay. You might want to call his family and let them know."

Meredith nodded again, sinking back into a chair and beginning to reach for her purse automatically to find her phone. She was pretty sure that she had someone in his family's number somewhere, from when he had used her phone.

"Keep an eye on her," she heard Bailey tell Izzie and George.

The number she had was Nancy's. Great. Nancy. Nancy who hated her.

"Addison," she said aloud, and George and Izzie turned to her.

"What?" Izzie said, sitting down next to her and picking up a magazine.

"Addison should call them. Does Addison know? Addison should know."

"Well, first of all, you should call them since you're his… significant other… and second of all, I don't know if she knows, but I'm pretty sure that she is on call, so she should know."

Meredith nodded and resolutely hit the send key.

"Hello, this is Nancy Shepard."

Meredith swallowed. Izzie had slipped her hand into hers which could have been awkward, but at that moment was incredibly welcome. She squeezed Izzie's hand and spoke: "Hi, Nancy. Um… this is Meredith Grey, Derek's…" the word fiancée almost came unbidden to her lips, but she forced it away. "Derek's girlfriend. I have something to tell you… Derek was in a severe car accident tonight."

"Oh my God—what happened?"

"I don't know, I wasn't there. I do know that he is stable, but he's not awake yet. They don't know how badly he hurt his head." Meredith licked her lips, which had gone dry. "I know… I know you don't like me very much, but—I love him and… he told me once that if something happened to him that he—that he would want his family here so—but the only number I had was yours and—" She was aware that she was rambling, and so she stopped, swallowing hard.

"Oh. Well. I'll call my mother and my sisters and I'm sure that everyone—well, I will and I know my mother--. Thank you. I'll call you and let you know—if… when he wakes up--."

"I'll call you. No, actually, I'll have him call you."

"Right. Good-bye Meredith."

"Bye." Meredith closed her phone and sat back in the chair, adrenaline leaving her body almost tangibly.

"You handled that well," Izzie said quietly, and Meredith laughed dryly.

"No I didn't. I rambled, and she probably thinks I'm insane as well as a slutty intern."

"No, she probably thinks that you're as worried about her brother as she is," George corrected, reassuringly.

"Yeah," Meredith said softly. "God… he could be one of his own patients right now. It just doesn't make sense… like, I can't believe it until I see it…" she trailed off, because suddenly she knew that if she kept talking she might start crying, and she really, really did not want to do that.

So, she closed her mouth and let her arms slide into her lap, hunching forward a little over them. George put a hand, hesitantly, on her back. Then, Cristina appeared in the room. She came straight over to them, and crouched in front of Meredith.

"How're you holding up?" she asked quietly.

Meredith shrugged.

"Bailey asked me to come out here and tell you that the MRI showed some damage to the optic nerve, but they're not sure how severe. Everything else looks okay, but he's not awake yet. You'll be able to see him as soon as they get him situated in a room."

"Okay," Meredith said, in a whisper. Cristina nodded, and stayed there for a second, looking conflicted, and then she reached up and hugged Meredith tightly before nearly bolting out of the room.

"Did Cristina just hug me?" Meredith asked, somewhat in shock.

"Yes, I believe she did," George said.

"Huh." Meredith didn't have the energy to ponder the move. She shifted, sliding her heels off and resting her head on George's shoulder.

"We should tell them to make these chairs more comfortable," Izzie said.

"You guys don't have to wait with me," Meredith said, lifting her head up. "I'm not going anywhere until they let me see him."

Izzie and George shared a look over her head, and then Izzie smiled at Meredith. "We're not going anywhere."

"Besides," George added, "I have a shift in six hours, why not just stay here?"

Meredith smiled and put her head back on George's shoulder.

"I just want to see him," she murmured.

"We know," George said quietly.

"My guess is he wants to see you too," Izzie said. "Or he will when he wakes up. When he wakes up he'll make sure there's nothing keeping him from you, not Bailey, or even the chief."

Meredith smiled, Izzie was right. "He's going to be okay," she said, aloud but to herself. "He has to be. We've been through too much for him not to be, right?"

Neither said anything, Izzie gripped Meredith's hand tightly and George smiled weakly at her.

"He has to be," she repeated, trying to convince herself.

She did not think that she would sleep. Cristina had said soon, after all, and soon had to mean something. Still, she found herself dozing, her head resting on George's shoulder. The sounds around her morphed into dreamlike noises, and from far away she could hear Izzie and George whispering, but could not really make out their words. In this state she found her wispy thoughts drifting to Derek; his smile, the look he gave her that had kept her in love with him for all that time and the thought that if this was her, he would be her rock. She'd have to be his rock now.

When another voice joined George's and Izzie's, she snapped out of her doze and her head shot up. It was not Cristina or Bailey who was there; though, it was Addison.

"Dr. Montgomery," Meredith said, sitting up and straightening the dress that had become rumpled while she shifted in the uncomfortable seat. Addison sat in a chair near them, at a table meant for children and her knees went nearly up to her chest.

"I just—I heard what happened but no details of how he was so I thought—I'm sorry I shouldn't have come to you," she smiled weakly and started to stand.

"No, don't. Um… he's stable, there's damage to the optic nerve, but they don't really know what or how much. Cristina said that he should wake up soon, and I guess we'll know then."

Addison nodded slowly, and amidst the turmoil of emotion that was swimming around in Meredith's chest, she felt pity for this woman, who obviously no longer knew where her place was.

"I called his family, but I'm sure they'd like to hear from you," Meredith offered.

Addison shook her head. "That's not my place, Meredith. Not any more. It's good that you called them, though. Did you talk to Elaine?"

"No. Nancy. Who adores me, of course."

Addison laughed a little. "Well. I guess she'll have to get used to you."

Meredith nodded, and then paused. "Wait…did you…. I mean tonight…."

Addison shook her head. "No. it was just obvious that he was planning something recently. I know that look in his eyes, I guess."

"Well it wasn't obvious to me," Meredith said with a sigh, looking at her hands. "I guess now… well, we'll have to see. I mean, I wasn't expecting—"

Suddenly, Dr. Bailey came into the room and Meredith felt her pulse skyrocket again. She clutched Izzie's hand, and stood.

"He's awake," Bailey said and Meredith felt relief start to build, until Bailey spoke again. "And he's demanding you, Grey, but there's something you should know." The relief paused, and Meredith waited worriedly for her resident to continue. "We're still not sure what the damage is; we'll have to call in a specialist, but his vision right now is… well, it's not there."

"He's blind?" George blurted.

"That's usually what it means to have no vision, O'Malley," Addison shot. Meredith had not realized that the other woman was standing beside her.

"Yes, O'Malley, he's blind, for now," Bailey confirmed, her eyes not leaving Meredith's.

Meredith stood there numbly trying to accept what Bailey was telling her. Derek was blind. Surely this would not be a permanent thing. If it was, what would he do? Cristina had known, or at least suspected. She knew what it was like to have a boyfriend who… who couldn't work… but not who was blind.

"Grey, you can see him now." _But he can't see me_. "Only one visitor now. Follow me."

Izzie gave Meredith a small push and this got her moving enough to follow Bailey down the winding corridors of the hospital. He was not in the ICU as she had suspected, and that was good. He was in a private room, which was good.

Bailey stepped into the room in front of her. "I brought Grey, Dr. Shepard, just as you demanded." Bailey turned to Meredith and nodded at her, ordering her without words to go in, managing to break through Meredith's anxiety and fear with her overbearing presence. Meredith stepped into the room, and was aware of the echoing of her heels.

"You're all dressed up," Derek said from the bed.

"How did you--?"

"Heels are noisy," he pointed out, and she smiled. He did not look as bad as she had expected. There were small cuts on his face, and a bruise that spread across his forehead and around his right eye. An IV was in his right arm, and a heart monitor beeped steadily next to his bed.

"Yeah. Are you—how do you…" she stopped, aware that all of those questions sounded stupid as she stood by his bedside. Derek's eyes were open, and he turned his head towards her voice, but there was something missing. It made Meredith's heart ache.

"Meredith, relax. It's just me, and I'm not planning on dying on you."

She let out a shaky laugh and moved closer to him, her heels clacking.

"There you go," he said, his lips flicking upward in a small smile. He reached his hand up, slowly, and she took it, finally sinking down to sit on the edge of the bed. Their fingers laced together, familiarly, and she relaxed. "I pitched a fit tonight," he admitted, "Demanded that they let you come to me. I was very adamant."

Meredith kicked her shoes off and drew her legs up onto the bed. "They had to pull me out of your trauma room. Izzie's stronger than she looks; by the way, growing up in a trailer park does that."

Derek smiled and they sat together in silence for a while; Meredith almost unable to believe that they were here, having a normal conversation when she had spent the past several hours nearly worried to death. Derek broke the silence "Lie down with me please?"

"Bailey'll kill me," Meredith said, but she carefully crawled up to the head of the bed, resting her head next to his.

"Nah, she likes me too much," Derek said cockily.

'Don't ever do that to me again," Meredith whispered, quietly. "You are never allowed to scare me like that again, do you understand? I love you too much for that."

Clumsily, Derek lifted his hand; knowing what he wanted Meredith reached up and put it on her cheek. Gently he brushed his thumb along her cheek, and then trailed his hand up and ran it through her hair.

"I promise, Meredith, I won't. I love you too, by the way."

Meredith laughed, and then sighed quietly, burying her face in his neck. "You're going to be okay, you know," she said. "I'll make sure of that. I promise, Derek."

"Mer, as long as I'm with you, I know I'll be okay."

"Have I ever told you how awfully corny you are?"

Derek chuckled, and Meredith smiled, kissing his cheek. For just a few moments, it seemed as if everything really was okay, even though in her heart she knew that there were going to be many barriers facing them now. She closed her eyes and hoped that just maybe things could stay calm for just a few hours. She liked them that way.

A/N I missed you guys!!! I'm really liking this fic. Just a note, updates won't be as regular as they were in the summer, cuz, well college. Haha. Love you all!!


	3. You're the Only One

"Grey! Grey, wake up!" Meredith slowly opened her eyes, unsure of where she was at first. The steady beeping of a machine told her that she was in the hospital, but it was another couple of seconds before she remembered everything that had happened. Derek's arm was around her, but he still slept soundly, although light was pouring in from the window, and Bailey had just flipped on the overhead switch.

"They're going to round on him soon, I thought I'd make sure you weren't found in yet another compromising position in this hospital," Bailey said, but she said it with a small smile.

'Thanks, I guess," Meredith said, sliding to the end of the bed and slipping her feet back into her shoes. "How's he doing?"

"Vitals are stable; he's lucky."

"Yeah. Lucky," Meredith echoed. She knew that he was, but a part of her felt that lucky was about the furthest thing away from what Derek was.

Bailey frowned as she looked at Meredith's face. "It won't be easy Grey, but you know that it could have been much worse."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, "You're right about that."

"You should go home, Grey, get into more comfortable clothes. The chief is giving you the next two days off."

"That's nice of him," Meredith murmured, trailing her hands over the sheet. "I want to be here when he wakes up."

"He's awake." Derek's voice, gruff with sleep, made Meredith start. "He's awake, and he agrees with Dr. Bailey."

"Smart man," Bailey said. "Listen to him, Grey."

Meredith nodded slowly. She did want to get out of the restricting dress, the heels, the clothes that had been put on in the hopes…

"I don't want to leave you," she said as Bailey left the room. She took Derek's hand and kissed his forehead.

"I know. But I can't play the part of the invalid and order you around when you're in heels. It'd be cruel and unusual punishment."

"Because you know so much about the wearing of heels," she teased. He smiled, but as he did she sensed something… different about it. It wasn't quite as light as his smiles usually were.

"Okay, I'll go. I'll change, get you a bag and then I'll be back here. You'll barely know I'm gone."

"Sounds good to me," Derek said, squeezing her hand.

"Okay. I'm going," Meredith said. His hand relaxed, but she could not seem to bring herself to pull her hand away from his.

"You're going," he echoed, pointedly.

"Yeah. I'm going." Still she made no move to go, and probably would not have, had the door not swung open at that second, revealing Cristina, dressed in street clothes.

"Mer, I'm off and Bailey told me to offer to drive you home, so I'm going to demand to drive you home, and you have ten seconds to get this door."

Derek laughed, turning towards Cristina's voice. "She knows you, Mer. Good morning Cristina."

"Morning, Dr. Shepard. Glad you're still with us. Mer, get a move on!"

"I'm coming," Meredith grumbled, planting one final kiss on Derek's lips and going to the door. Once she got within reach, Cristina grabbed her and pushed her out the door and down the hall.

"Violent," Meredith grumbled.

"You would have never left; come on, we're taking Burke's car, it's parked out front."

"And here I was worrying about riding on your bike in this dress," Meredith said, sarcastically. Then, she added more quietly, "How are you guys doing?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Well, I'd say pretty well seeing as neither of us has had a near death experience in the past week." Meredith flinched. "Oh. Sorry. We're…okay. Can we leave it there?"

"Yeah," Meredith said quietly. Cristina gave her a concerned look, but Meredith looked away. Her mind was with Derek in the room that she was getting steadily further and further away from. When they got to the front doors, Cristina took Meredith's arm and led her through the doors and out into the sunlight.

It wasn't until they were in the car that Cristina spoke. "So how are you holding up? Truth."

"I'm fine," Meredith snapped insistently. "I'm just fine. I'm not blind. I'm not injured. I am fine."

"Seriously, Mer. You need a new word. Webster's called, and they are suing you for misuse of the word 'fine'."

"Shut up."

"Okay, okay. You do know that it's okay for you not to be fine?"

"Whatever." Meredith said, leaning her head against the window and wishing that she could just go back to Derek. They'd be rounding on him, and she would not be there. She needed to know exactly what was going on; she knew Derek, he was much too fond of sugarcoating things, of leaving things out. He had a tendency to leave big things out, big things that she should know about and he was not going to do that to her this time if she had anything to do with it.

"Mer, we're here," Cristina said, gently shaking her. She had somehow managed to fall asleep as they drove, but she did not have a clue how.

"Thanks Cristina, for everything."

"I'll drive you back, if you want. I don't have anything else to do."

Meredith nodded, "Okay. Thanks."

They went into the house, where Izzie was in the kitchen. "Mer, how--." Meredith did not answer. She knew that she should, she owed Izzie an update, but she had one goal only, getting back to Derek. Dashing up the stairs she stumbled and would have fallen but she gripped the banister tightly and steadied herself for just a second before continuing up. In her room she kicked off her shoes and pulled off the dress leaving it in a rumpled heap on the floor.

She grabbed a pair of jeans from the closet, and a sweater and threw them on, slipping her feet into comfortable shoes and then set about putting together a bag for Derek. Most of his things had migrated to her house, or at least his essentials, and that was what he would need. She went into the bathroom and grabbed toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo and razor, tossed pajamas and socks into the bag. She did this all on autopilot, her mind knowing what he would need and her hands grasping without really thinking. It was not until she knelt by the bed searching for one of his shoes that she saw the shirt.

His red button-up shirt that she had only seen him wear twice; the first being the night they met. His voice rang through her head as she picked up the shirt and slowly pulled herself onto the bed. _My red shirt, my good looking shirt._ He was so cocky that night, so sure that he would be able to pick her up. That was what he was missing now, that cocky 'I am man, hear me roar' attitude that he had.

She was crying before she knew what was happening. Sobbing, and clutching Derek's shirt to her chest she hunched forward and tried to stop. She did not have time to break down. She had to get back to Derek. They had spent too long apart, and if it were her he would never leave her side. The tears did not seem to know that. She hated crying, avoiding it as much as possible. The only things she had allowed herself to cry about recently was her mother, and that was strange because there were times when she thought that her mother was the last person she would ever cry for.

Her sobs would not be stopped. She barely heard Izzie's soft knock, but she was aware of both Izzie and Cristina coming into the room. They sat down on either side of her, and Izzie put her arms around her. Cristina put one hand lightly on Meredith's arm, all the contact Cristina liked to give out, and Meredith felt comfort radiating from them.

"I need to go," Meredith forced out, reaching up a hand to wipe the tears from her face.

"Mer it's okay;" Izzie said soothingly, "You have every right to cry right now."

Meredith shook her head, but every time she thought she had herself under control something would spark the sobbing again. Izzie began rubbing small circles on her back.

"Mer, breathe, it's okay."

Meredith clutched Izzie's hand and slowly began regaining control of herself, btu then the thought that the last time she had cried this hard Derek had found her in the closet, which was exactly what she had wanted even though it should not have happened, and the crying started again.

Eventually, she finally cried herself out. Her friends waited in silence with her for a few moments, all three of them making sure that she really had cried herself out. Meredith sniffed pitifully. "I have to get his other shoe from under the bed, and then I need to go."

"I'll get the shoe," Cristina volunteered.

"I'll help you get cleaned up," Izzie said, pulling Meredith to her feet. She was shaky from so much crying, and her breathe was still coming in small gasps, but somehow she felt better. Izzie helped her wipe the tearstains off of her face and by that time Cristina was in the car.

"Tell Derek 'hi' for me," Izzie said, leaning on the doorway as Meredith went outside. "I'm off today, but I'll come up later to see him and to check on you." Meredith nodded, not bothering to say that she was fine. Izzie would know that it was a lie.

Meredith and Cristina did not speak during the ride back to the hospital, instead Cristina turned on the radio and Meredith focused on the music in relief, making herself stop thinking about what was going on. She nervously wound the hem of her sweater around her finger over and over, until Cristina reached out a hand to stop her. Their eyes met and Cristina gave Meredith a tiny smile.

"Call me if you need me," she said as Meredith pulled Derek's bag out from the back seat of Burke's car.

Meredith nodded, although they both knew that she probably would not call. Not unless something happened.

Walking down the halls of the hospital Meredith steeled herself. She was the support, she was optimistic, she was light and she was getting ride of the knot of fear that had nested itself in her stomach the night before. She forced a smile onto her face before she opened the door, knowing that he would hear it in her voice if she did not.

The room was dark, the light had been turned off, and Derek lay in the bed staring at the wall opposite.

"Hey, it's me! Miss me?" she said cheerfully, dropping the bag and her purse onto the chair by his bed. "God it's dreary in here, I'm going to do something about that." She opened the blinds, illuminating the room, and then went over to sit on the end of the bed.

"So, did they round on you?"

"Yeah," Derek said, dryly. She waited for him to continue, but he did not.

"Well, how long do you have to stay here? I mean, your day off is coming up, after all."

He shrugged. "They want to observe me for a couple days."

"Want some morphine, then? It definitely makes hospital stays more interesting, or so I'm told." She expected him to at least crack a smile at that one, but he did not. "Come on, Derek, this is my best material." She ran a hand over the blanket to smooth it. "Hey, they changed your sheets. Are the techs actually up to par today?"

He shrugged. "The brought breakfast. Apparently eggs and I do not get along, or my coordination is very off. Wonder why that would be."

Meredith was startled by how depressed he sounded, and thought back ot the way Cristina used to complain about Burke's downheartedness. "I guess it'll take practice," she said, trying to sound off hand. "And," she added, leaning down so that her lips were against his ear, "I could always feed you."

This, at least, did get a small smile. "You would be better than Debby," he admitted.

"You better believe it, mister."

Meredith kissed his cheek and they were silent for a minute before she asked, "Derek, what exactly happened?"

Derek shrugged. "Someone pulled out to quickly from a light and smashed into the side of my car. There's not much else to it." He paused and licked his lips. "It was so quick, one minute I was on my way to get you, and the next I was here and you came to me."

Meredith nodded and squeezed his hand, remembering those hours that he had lost, the ones that she had spent waiting for him to wake up. "I'm not leaving any time soon," she pointed out. "We can handle this."

He nodded, but she could tell that he was not sure. She'd convince him somehow, it was about time she convinced him of something instead of the other way around.

A/N So, I just watched Sweet Home Alabama. I'm not sure how I feel about Dempsey's character not being chosen, and not just because he was Dempsey. Or maybe it is just because he is Dempsey….


	4. Beauty She'll Defend

Meredith thought that the spending time at the hospital without working might turn out to be boring. Heaven knew that the countless families she'd encountered complaining about boredom seemed to imply that; however, with Derek to entertain, she did not have a break to be bored. She had not realized before how difficult one-sided conversations were.

It was not that he seemed uninterested, or even that he was tuning her out, but his responses were almost completely monosyllabic. His eyes, blank in a way that she was not yet accustomed to, stared straight ahead as he answered her peppy questions (so much more like Izzie than herself) with the occasional 'yeah' or 'hmm'. It was almost a relief to her when he announced quietly that he was tired. Her view of him shifted in that moment, he seemed so defeated.

"Derek," she said, standing from the highly uncomfortable chair to stand by his bed and placing her hand on his forehead. The word lingered in the air; she did not know what else to say. He seemed to understand what she meant to say though and he pulled her hand down to his lips, kissing her gently. "I'll leave you to sleep then, but I'll be back soon."

He nodded and shifted, rolling onto his side. She sighed and made her way to the door of his hospital room. In the bright light of the hallway, she did not know what to do with herself. She felt that it would not be right if whatever she was doing did not help Derek in some way. Glancing around she saw that the nurses' station computer was open and she made her way over to it. She sat down in the rolling chair and leaned forward, hoping that she would remain unnoticed for a little while.

She went automatically to Google, hoping that she was not accidentally closing out critical information, but she was pretty sure that Debby's solitaire game was not critical. She bit her lip, fingers hovering over the keyboard for a second before deciding what to type, and then settled on: blindness rehabilitation. As an after thought, and after glancing through the first page of search results she added: Seattle.

The reading was enlightening; and she learned a lot of things about adjusting to lose of vision, depression and daily living skills. She also realized things; she realized that unless his vision improved Derek was in danger of losing his career. She did not know why she had not thought about it before. It was not that she was in possessions of illusions, she knew that it was probable that the damage was irreversible, she just had not realized that it would be _that_ life altering. And Derek had. Her heart sank, and went out to him.

Still, she reasoned, he could teach. There were things he could do still in the medical field. He would not be forced down to a desk job somewhere, per say, but it would not be the same for him. She would just have to do all that she could to help, she decided and went back to her research.

"So, uh, Meredith, since when were you a nurse?"

Meredith looked up guiltily at George. Caught. "Hey," she said, pushing the chair hastily away from Debby's desk.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked with a smile, putting a pile of charts down on the desk.

Meredith shrugged. "Derek's asleep, so I was looking at some stuff about… about blindness, I guess. How to help him. I don't know. I…" she took a quavering breath. "I feel pretty helpless right now, George."

George reached out a hand to pull her to her feet. "You? Meredith, you're never helpless. I've seen you go through things that would cause other girls to break entirely, but you? You're strong."

Meredith smiled. "I wish."

"You are."

Meredith shook her head, then pushed her bangs out of her eyes. "Why am I not backing away, George? I'm Meredith, that's what I do. I run from scary things like men with wives and life altering things, I--."

George was shaking his head. "You don't. Maybe you think you do. You think you're an avoider. But Mer, you did not let Shepard forget you even when he was married, you got Izzie off of the bathroom floor, you take care of your mother even when she hurts you. You stayed by Cristina even when… well, you don't run from people you love." A small smile crossed his face. "You didn't let me go, either, after—you were determined to fix things."

Meredith was surprised. They rarely talked about the… unpleasant experience that had passed between them. Then, just as quickly as he had brought it up, George changed the subject.

"Come on, let me buy you coffee," he said. "I have time before my next emergency, I think."

Meredith laughed and put her arm through George's. "All right then. Derek should sleep for a while longer." She smiled, and for just a minute her thoughts shifted away from Derek. "George?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry I haven't been a good friend to you. You've always been there for me, I mean, hey you took out my appendix. But more than that, you've been there for me to lean on. And I've never said thank you."

George shrugged. "Don't worry about it, I'm George, you don't have to thank me."

"But I should. So thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Now then, what exactly is going on between you and Izzie?" Meredith asked pryingly, trying to keep on this train of thought that was not incessant worry. George obliged her by turning a bright shade of red and mumbling.

They went to the coffee cart in the lobby, and George very good-naturedly bought a coffee for her and agreed to buy one for Derek before they went back upstairs. They did not head for the elevators immediately though, instead they sat on the benches by the windows at the front of the hospital.

"How's your mom holding up?" Meredith asked, gingerly sipping the piping hot coffee.

"She… I don't know… she acts okay. she's gone back to work and she never lets us see if she's upset, but whenever she doesn't think we're looking her face gets so sad."

Meredith nodded. "I'm so sorry, George."

George sighed. "He wanted the chance to fight…So… uh… how's your mom doing?" George asked awkwardly and obviously just attempting to change the subject.

Meredith stopped smiling, looking away at George out the window at a car pulling into the parking lot. "She's good. She doesn't recognize me often, but sometimes. Usually she doesn't see me as an adult but… but she's finally past… past some hard times, I guess, in her memory. Past her residency."

George nodded. "I wish I was past my residency," he said, taking a gulp of coffee.

"Well, we're almost done with the interns thing, and once that's over…"

"Once that's over we'll still have no idea what we're doing."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right."

They laughed together, as George's pager went off. He looked at it and scowled. "911, gotta go. Oh! Here's the two bucks for Shepard's coffee."

"Thank you George, again, for everything," Meredith said, standing up and heading for the coffee cart.

George just waved at her as he ran off to take care of the page, and Meredith went slowly over to get Derek's coffee.

He was awake when she went slowly into the room, remembering what a light sleeper he was. His face turned towards the sound of the door opening. "Me," she said. "Me and coffee, actually," she added, coming over to help him sit up. "Two sugars no cream, just how you like it."

To her surprise, Derek smiled as he reached out for the coffee, genuinely smiled. "Thanks, Mer."

She pulled the tray over so that he could rest the coffee on it. "You're welcome. So, sleep does you good, apparently. You're in a good mood."

He shrugged. "Didn't sleep that long, actually, my mom called. She and my sisters won't be able to make it up here, but it was good to hear from her. She said it sounds like I am in very good hands."

Meredith arched an eyebrow as she plopped herself in the chair by his bedside. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. She's going to love you, Mer, we should go up there for the holidays."

"Yeah. Well those are still several months away. Let's focus on the now, before we throw more crazy obstacles at Meredith, shall we? Not exactly sure how car accident measures up to meeting the family, but it's pretty damn close."

Derek just shook his head at her and took a sip of his coffee.

"So, did you talk to your sisters?"

He nodded. "Kathleen and Nancy, anyway. And before you say anything, Nancy does not hate you. She liked the way you kept composure last night."

Meredith only just managed to refrain from snorting and saying 'in that case I'd like to see what she thinks being not composed is, but she didn't. Instead she said: "Tell me about your sisters."

"What do you want to know?" Derek asked, putting his coffee back on the tray. It was precariously on the edge, and Meredith sat up to fix it, but he seemed to realize it and fixed it himself. She leaned back, hoping he hadn't noticed her shift.

"I don't know. A favorite memory, or something? All I really know is Nancy and she doesn't hate me and is impressed with my composure, so…."

Derek laughed. "Well, we had interesting childhoods. I mean, four of them and one of me. I always thought it was rough on me, but probably they had similar opinions about having a boy around at all. They never understood if I every got anything they ddin't even if it was sports equipment."

"Because you were such the jock."

"I'll have you know I played Little League and basketball through junior high."

Meredith snickered at the idea of Derek in a basketball uniform, even at the age of fourteen and he scowled at her.

"Anyway, once you're done disputing my manliness I'll continue."

"Not your manliness," Meredith protested, reaching over to take his hand, "Just

your sporting abilities."

"Continuing. So, one time, I had this birthday party, right? Mom finally agreed that I didn't have to have my sisters there, that I could invite just boys. She tried to get ride of them by sending them to my aunt's house, but somehow Kathleen and Nancy managed to sneak back. I was turning eight, I think, and eight-year-old boys must have piñatas. It's like a rule."

"Girls aren't exactly immune to that," Meredith piped in, "I remember one party that got particularly brutal. There was hair pulling."

"Where you being pulled, or the puller?" Derek asked, with a smile, his finger running absently up and down her hand.

"Mmm, I seem to remember being pulled, but also being grounded after the party, so probably both."

"You were probably provoked. You're good at fighting back. Or fighting for what you want."

"Yes," Meredith said seriously. "And I really wanted those tootsie rolls."

"So back to my story. There was a piñata. And it was Mark's turn. So Kathy and Nancy leap out from behind the bushes, Nancy grabs the stick from Mark and swings it at him, then swings back, hard and hits—Ow! Dammit!"

Meredith jumped up to right the coffee cup that he had accidentally over turned as he gestured demonstrating the grand piñata destruction. The cup had emptied itself out on Derek's blankets, which she quickly pulled back off of him.

"Don't worry about it, it didn't even get on those dashing pajamas I brought you," Meredith said with a laugh. Derek just scowled. She sighed to herself and pushed the nurse call alerting one of the floor nurses, Janice, that they had an incident with a cardboard coffee cup and would need new sheets.

"That'll take a while," she said with a laugh. "Go ahead and finish your story, did they get all the good candy? I totally would have."

Derek turned away from her.

Meredith sighed. "Derek, that could have happened whether you could see the cup or not. I've done things like that before and I'm pretty sure you have. Come on, this is a new thing, you haven't had time to adapt?"

"Adapt?" Derek said with a scoff. "Am I really supposed to be able to adapt to this, Meredith?"

Meredith opened her mouth to answer, to explain what she had read or reassure or something, but the door opened and the nurse appeared, and Meredith shifted modes, helping Derek stand so that the sheets could be changed. By the time that was done he seemed to have forgotten the discussion, but his mood did not lighten, either.

_So much for progress_, Meredith thought, as she began flipping TV stations absently when neither of them could think of anything to say. Boredom began to creep in.

A/N When I originally wrote this chapter, I had George's dad alive, but after this weeks epi…. I don't think that's going to happen…. I really loved the Meredith and George moment in the episode, though.


	5. Deny, Deny, Deny

Derek awoke to darkness. He was never going to get used to that, he was sure. Lying still for a minute, he attempted to estimate what time it was. He could hear Meredith's snoring coming from the pull-out chair that George had tracked down for her; that meant that it was probably somewhere between three and five, the time at which she reached prime snoring level. Since not even a nurse had been in yet he assumed it was closer to three than five, maybe about three-thirty or four. He knew nothing exact; even though he could hear the clock ticking it could be twenty seconds after three-thirty or forty-seven seconds after four o'clock. There was no way for him to know, and he did not like it.

He shifted, pushing himself up on the pillows and realizing an uncomfortable fact.

"Mer?" he whispered into the darkness. Her snores did not abate, and he stopped short of calling out to her again. This was stupid. He was a full grown man and had been for some time. He did not need his girlfriend's help going to the bathroom, like a two-year-old. Nor was be about to call a nurse; for one, that would wake Meredith out and 'why didn't you just ask me' would be said, plus the nurses seemed to be taking a little too much pleasure in caring for him. Meredith called it the McDreamy factor.

Determinedly he sat up, and slowly swung his legs over the end of the hospital bed. They had removed the IV earlier in the day, so at least that obstacle was gone. What was difficult was moving in the darkness; it felt as if he could fall off of a ledge after every step, even though he knew that that was impossible in this tiny hospital room. He slowly began moving forward, keeping one hand on the bed. The bathroom was almost parallel to the bed; he knew, although the wall was directly parallel. He moved forward until his hand reached the end of the bed. Then he tremblingly reached the hand out in front of him and walked until the hand touched the wall.

This was surprisingly…well…frightening, and it was ridiculous. He should not be frightened of walking to the damned bathroom. Still, he continued his slow and careful movements until his hand slid along the doorway to the bathroom. It was tiny, which was good, and the only thing he did wrong once he was in there was nearly stumble over the trashcan. Even that was okay, though, because then he did not have to feel around for where to throw his paper towels away.

He was slightly more confident when getting back to his bed, but he found that he was still shaking a little as he sank onto it and pulled the twisted blankets over him. Suddenly, he realized that Meredith was no longer snoring, although her breathing was slow and steady so he was pretty sure that she was still asleep. "Mer?" he whispered again, and when her breathing did not change at all he rolled over, deciding that she was still asleep and wanting to get a little more sleep before nurses and interns started barging in and out.

Next to him, Meredith waited until his breathing fell into an even rhythm before daring to stretch and uncurl her body from the couch. She had woken when she heard Derek's steps across the room, but had not said anything as she watched him maneuver. She was somewhat surprised. He had not made any attempt at real self-sufficiency in the past day, not really, and she was intrigued to see that he finally seemed to have realized that there were just some things he was going to have to learn to do, whether or not he got better. Or she hoped that was what it was, anyway, and not _just_ desperation.

Then again he had done this discovery in the dead of night with no one to know but himself. Meredith sighed, completely unsure of what to make of this. So, she decided to take a leaf out of Derek's book and attempt to go back to sleep. Both of them were jolted awake half an hour later, though, by the first trauma intern coming in to round.

The attending wasn't to come in until around eight. They were less picky about these things when they weren't on the surgery service, since they did not have to worry about OR schedules.

"I don't like it," Meredith said with a sigh, as she picked at the cereal that she had stolen from Derek's breakfast tray. "Rounds should be over early so that people can get on with their lives."

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "It makes me wonder what they're doing when they could be rounding. I mean, are they chatting at the water-cooler?"

Meredith laughed. "Maybe," she said thoughtfully, "They're seducing their interns."

"Ah, well in that case they are not very good seducers if they need that extra time to do it," Derek said and Meredith laughed. That was more like him. There was something back in his voice today, a hint of the self-assuredness, the cockiness. She was fairly sure that his early morning escapade had something to do with it, but she had not mentioned it and neither had he.

"So that makes you a good seducer, then?" she asked. "Because if I remember, I was able to resist you for some time."

He shook his head. "Clearly I am far superior to their type of seducer, and that resistance was very easily dealt with, my dear."

"You have a point," Meredith said. "But I could have continued to resist if I had wanted to. I just decided not to."

"Sure," Derek said, winking at her. "You just keep on believing that."

She laughed again, and made a sound of protest, but as she did she felt something in her heart drop. The wink. His eyes shown in the same way as he gently teased her, but there was no focus to the look. It was his McDreamy look, but there was a different quality to it, one that was more detached. Although she did not want to, it made her shiver just a little bit.

But he was in a good mood and she was not about to change that, not after yesterday, so she looked away and placed her bowl on his tray.

"Well, if they ever do get around to coming in, maybe they will let you out of here," she said.

"That'd be nice," he said. She was not sure if he really meant it or not, though.

"Do you want to stay at the intern inn for a while?" she asked, knowing exactly what was bothering him. There was no way she was abandoning him in that tiny cramped trailer, and also no way she was leaving her house for the tiny cramped trailer. She loved the trailer, sure, but all the time? Not so much.

"You're going to have to rename it soon," he pointed out. There was a nod with the statement, but no further acknowledgement. Still, the fact that he had turned back to bantering was reassuring.

"Yeah, I know. Something like the residents residence."

"That sounds way too much like a Dalmatian plantation," Derek chuckled.

"You have enough land for one of those," Meredith pointed out just as the door to the hospital room opened.

The doctor who had been the trauma attending came in, flanked by two interns and a resident. Bailey was not on the case anymore, since it had not been surgical, and Meredith only vaguely recognized the interns and residents from her time in the pit.

"It's Dr. Yates and his lovers… I mean interns," Meredith told Derek in an undertone while the group noisily got situated. Derek smiled, and she took his hand, squeezing it.

"Good morning, Dr. Shepard, and you Dr. Grey. How are you this morning, Dr. Shepard?"

"All right. Not much pain."

"Good to hear. Well, I think that I can safely send you home today, but before I do, there are some things we'll have to discuss." The doctor was a young man, who was starting his career at Seattle Grace. Meredith watched as he nervously pushed up his wire-rimmed glasses, no doubt he had news he did not want to deliver to the hospital's top neuro-surgeon. For the first time, Meredith was grateful that Derek could not see her face. She was grateful that all he would know about her feeling was the reassuring squeeze she gave his hand.

"Prognosis," Derek said, and Meredith looked at him. His lips were dry, but he kept his vacant eyes on the doctor, even though he could not see him.

"Yes, prognosis," the doctor agreed. "The amount of damage is very difficult to ascertain. Before you leave, I'll give you a referral to an ophthalmologist, best in the city, and he'll be able to give you more details. From what I can tell, the damage could heal itself. You could regain vision in a few weeks, a few months, maybe even a few years." He sighed a little.

"There's a but in there," Meredith said, meaning it as almost an accusation, although her tone was more resigned.

The doctor cleared his throat. "I'm afraid so. The thing is, you could also never regain your vision. It's a waiting game." His news settled on Meredith heavily and she turned to Derek, worried that he would have turned even further into himself. He had not.

"But there's a chance?" he asked.

"Yes there is. It's fairly--."

"There's a chance, Mer," he said, turning to Meredith and seeming to want to reassure her.

"Yeah, there is Derek," she agreed, smiling and squeezing his hand. It was a good thing that he had hope.

"Now, before you leave the hospital today I would like you to talk to a social worker about rehabilitation options. She'll get you going with that, and I'll get you scheduled with the ophthalmologist, and give you a prescription for a light pain medication."

Derek seemed to have stopped paying attention, so it was Meredith who smiled at the doctor. "That sounds fine," she said. "How much longer should we expect to be here?"

"Well, it depends on the social worker's schedule, but I'd say just another couple of hours."

"Okay," Meredith said quietly. "We can handle that."

Truthfully, though, she just wanted to get Derek home. She was sure that in a place that was more familiar to him, even her house, he would act more like himself. She hoped so anyway.

The doctor and his interns and resident left them alone, promising to send a nurse in with the paperwork soon. They sat in quiet for a minute, before Meredith spoke. "Well, that's a little bright and shiny," she said. "There's definitely a speck of it amid all the dark and twisty."

Derek laughed and kissed the top of her hand.

It was two and a half hours before the social worker made her way in. Meredith had called Izzie and George, asking them to bring her car up to the hospital. The insurance agency had called about Derek's the day before, and it was totaled. He had not said anything about that, and she suspected he assumed that he would not be needing it any rime soon.

They had turned on the TV to listen to the stupid talk shows and pass the time.

"I've stopped regretting the fact that I don't get to watch TV," Meredith commented, as two women got into a slapfight on the screen. "There's absolutely nothing beneficial to anyone on these shows."

"Well first of all we're watching daytime TV. Nothing quality is on until primetime. And second of all? You're just jealous because their drama is significantly worse then ours ever was."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Seriously? The viewers would have probably eaten up a show dealing with the me-you-Addison thing. We could have totally handled the slapfight thing; if her nails were shorter anyway."

There was a knock on the door, and then it opened to reveal a tall black woman. She was dressed in a brown suit with a skirt, black hose, and her hair in a tight bun on the back of her head. Meredith had seen her before around the hospital, but could not remember her name.

"It's the social worker," Meredith told Derek, and then flipped off the TV, as the women began clawing at each other's eyes.

"Hi, Mr. Shepard, I'm Connie Jones," the woman said, her tone was brisk, but not cold. She smiled and Meredith smiled back at her.

Derek bristled. "It's Dr. Shepard, actually. Unless losing my vision means losing my license."

"No, of course not. Beg your pardon, I'm a little bit new to working at Seattle Grace. I do recognize you, though, Dr. Grey. Nice to see you."

Meredith nodded. "The doctor said that you could tell us about rehabilitation options?" she asked.

"What's the point?" Derek interjected. "I'm going to get my vision back."

"Derek, Dr. Yates said that was a possibility, he didn't say…" Meredith trailed off, not really wanting to burst his bubble. He had been the most himself in the past two and a half hours that he had been in the two days since the accident.

"I very much hope that is the case, Dr. Shepard," the other woman cut in smoothly. "But even if it is, you will have to go through day to day things up until whatever vision you may regain comes back. I can give you resources that will work on you with that."

Meredith turned back to Derek to see how he took that. He seemed to at least be resigned to being okay with it, although he did not seem happy with it. Meredith decided to be the one to focus on the information the woman was giving them. He would appreciate it in time.

A/N sorry this took so long to get up. When I got up to school I ended up moving into my sorority house and just got settled!!!


	6. I Aim to be Your Eyes

"Do you want to stop and get lunch?" Meredith asked, once she and Derek were situated in her car. "There's absolutely no food in the house, I can promise you that." He did not respond, just shrugged and pointed his face towards the window. "We could go to Joe's. it's usually pretty empty this time of day." She was pointedly not going to let him hole himself up in the house and never leave as long as he could not see, as she was fairly sure he was planning.

"If you really want to," Derek said. it was giving in and Meredith was perfectly fine with that.

"All right, Joe's it is," she said cheerfully, backing the car out of the parking lot. Derek did not say anything through the short drive, but she figured he was tired from actually moving for the first time in two days. The nurse had told her in the hallway that he was probably experiencing more pain than he would admit to.

When they pulled into the parking lot in front of Joe's, it was nearly empty, and Meredith could not help but be glad of that. "Huh, almost no one had the same idea that we did," she commented, trying to convey the emptiness of the parking lot to him as subtly as possible

He nodded, and she watched warily as he got out of the car and then silently waited for her, leaning against the car door after he closed it. She was impressed at his determination when he had to feel around for the seatbelt buckle for a moment, but after he got out she moved quickly to go around. He took her arm, and she walked towards Joe's.

She thought that they were doing pretty well, until she casually stepped onto the curb and then had to grab onto Derek with her other hand to keep him from falling over it. "Sorry," she said, chagrinned. "Guess this should involve me paying better attention."

"Probably," Derek muttered, sounding annoyed at first, but he seemed to check that. "One would hope that you could alert one to curbs in the future," he said, but he smiled as he did.

Meredith held his arm and rested her head against it for a second. "Well, I was planning on propelling you down a flight of stairs, but if you ask nicely, I won't."

"Consider the following asking nicely for the rest of my life: please don't." Meredith laughed, and gazed happily for a second at the wry smile on Derek's face. It was familiar. He was teasing her, bantering with her, just as they always did.

"Come on," she said, letting her hand slide down into his, "Let's get real food."

She pushed open the door to Joe's and heard the bells jingle in their familiar way. She felt Derek's grip tighten on her hand, but she moved forward confidently.

"Hi Joe!" she called, hoping that he would not comment on her determined cheerfulness.

Joe looked up. He had been wiping down the bar, and evidently stealing glances over at the TV to watch the same talk show that Derek and Meredith had been mocking earlier in the morning.

"Oh my God, that's on more than once a day?" Meredith exclaimed with a laugh. "Derek, our friend Joe seems to actually like trashy daytime TV."

Derek grinned and Joe laughed, turning off the TV. "I wouldn't say I like it; after all, I get better entertainment in my own bar on most nights."

"Are you referring to us, Joe?" Derek asked Joe's general direction.

"I might be. I heard that you had quite the drama going down a couple of nights ago, Dr. Shepard."

"You could say that," Derek replied easily. "Let's grab a table, Mer."

"Sure," Meredith agreed. It was obvious that he did not want to talk about the accident. Meredith knew that Joe would not push it; he'd see how uncomfortable Derek was, but it was equally obvious that Derek was not taking any chances.

"Do you know what you want?" Meredith asked after they sat down. "I think I just want a salad. You make salads don't you Joe?"

"Anything, for one of my best customers." Joe said with a smirk. Meredith stuck her tongue out at him playfully.

"Used to be one of your best customers," she said, talking Derek's hand. "I've had a few distractions lately. Good ones."

"Wouldn't be talking about me, would you?" Derek said.

"Maybe. So back to my question before the nosy bartender decided to cut in. Do you know what you want?"

Derek shrugged. "Salad sounds good," he did not sound very definite.

"You sure? He does have other things, sandwiches and stuff. We have time to actually look at a menu."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, although Meredith was not sure why. Derek's face clouded over and he scowled. "I'm not five. I don't need you to read the menu to me. I learned to read a long time ago."

Meredith rolled her eyes and was again grateful that he could not see her. She pushed as much patience as possible into her voice. "Derek, I wasn't implying that. I never said I was going to read it to you. I was asking if you were sure you wanted a salad. That's it."

"My decision making skills were not affected, Meredith."

"Fine. Okay. Two Caesar salads, Joe," Meredith called to the bartender who had, of course, been hanging on to her every word. "And Derek? The pouting? Not convincing me that you're not five." It was harsh, and she knew that she should be more understanding, but he was being ridiculous.

They sat in silence for a while, as Joe turned the volume on the TV up again and disappeared to make the salads. Meredith did not look at Derek, instead she glanced at the dart board and thought about going to fling darts at it and pretend that they were hitting the face of whoever ran into Derek's car.

After a few minutes, she shot a glance at Derek, then her gaze lingered. He was staring behind her, not seeing anything of course, and his fingers were steadily drumming on the table. She wondered what he was thinking

"You're looking at me," he said quietly. She could not quite read the tone in his voice, but it seemed more pensive than anything.

"Are you developing a sixth sense?"

He laughed, but it was slightly hollow. The echo of his normal laugh being pulled from a long distance.

"I like looking at you," Meredith said. "As a matter of fact, you're my favorite person to look at."

"You're mine," he responded. "Well…. I guess…. You were mine." He paused and ran a hand through his hair then let out a shaky breath. "Look, Mer, I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's not your fault. I know you want to help me."

"I love you," Meredith said. She did not say it often; they did not say it often. It had always been understood between them, but since they got back together they had said it more so that the words were not limited to passionate moments when they were admitting their mistakes.

"I know. I love you, too."

"We're going to get through this, Derek," Meredith said, linking her fingers with his. "I promise."

Derek shook his head. "What did I do to deserve someone as incredible as you?" he asked. Meredith started to counter that she was not incredible, not in the least. She was just as scared as he must be, but Joe appeared from the kitchen with their salads, and she really did not want all of their secrets spread.

"Stay there," Joe said, "I'll play the waiter for you two today." He stepped out from behind the bar and brought them their salads. Meredith put Derek's fork in his hand and let him at it. She watched him over her own salad. He seemed determined and he managed pretty well, only sending the occasional crouton flying off of his plate.

"So, you start back tomorrow?" he asked, as Meredith took a sip of water from the glass Joe provided her.

"Uh-huh. Of course it won't be nearly as fun without my favorite neurosurgeon." Meredith said, and then mentally kicked herself. Stupid Meredith for bringing up the whole 'you won't be working' thing. She almost cringed as she watched him, waiting for him to start sulking again, but he did not.

He swallowed and then nodded. "I can imagine. Meanwhile I'll be at the Intern Inn soon to be the Residents' Residence pining for you."

"George will be there, he can entertain you," Meredith suggested as she stabbed at a particularly large lettuce leaf.

There was silence for a minute and then she was startled as Derek burst out laughing.

"What?" she asked, looking up.

"George? George can't possibly entertain me in the way I would like."

Meredith started laughing as well, then flung her napkin at him. "Why must you make everything dirty?" she demanded. "Seriously, I'm trying to have a normal conversation and you make it dirty. Bad McDreamy, bad!"

Derek's laughter died down into a low chuckle and he shrugged. "Like you don't have an incredible tendency for dirtyfiing things."

"Dirtyifing? That is most definitely not a word," Meredith said. "I don't think that you have somehow gained the right to make up words over the past two days, Derek."

He waggled his eyebrows. "I can try, can't I?"

She shook her head at him. "I don't believe you."

"And yet you still keep me around."

"What can I say?" Meredith asked, smiling from ear-to-ear in relief. "You keep me entertained. Never a dull moment." She turned back to her salad but she was not hungry any more, just happy that Derek seemed to be okay. "Are you ready to go?" she asked.

"Read my mind." He pushed away from the table and stood up, then, to her surprise, he edged around the table, keeping one hand firmly on the edge. When he got to her corner her turned and offered her his hand. "Shall I escort you my lady?"

"You shall," Meredith said, after putting a $20 on the table. "Keep the change, Joe. Take it off of my tab."

"Every drop in the bucket's something?" Joe called, with a laugh. "Only kidding, Mer. Alex has a much higher tab."

"Gee that makes me feel so much better," Meredith said. "Come on Derek, let's leave Joe to his talk shows."

They got into the car and drove the rest of the way home in happy silence. At the door she counted the steps before helping Derek up them, so that there were no more incidents involving near nose-dives.

"Couch or bedroom?" she asked. "And no, I did not mean that dirtily."

"Shame. Couch then."

She led him over, kicking aside piles of things. It was obvious that Izzie had attempted to pick-up, but she had been on-call that day. Derek lay on the couch when she positioned him in front of it, obviously more tired than he was willing to admit to. She lay next to him curling up against him. The couch was barely big enough for both of them, but they fit. Derek's arm went around her, and she curled into a tighter ball. Meredith fell asleep, smiling, and they both slept until Izzie and George came home.

A/N Review please guys!

So Thursday's ep? OMG intense, but I loved the Mer/Der at the end!


	7. On My Own

When Derek awoke, Meredith had already gone. He had a blurry memory of her voice telling him that she had to go, but George was downstairs and she'd taken everything off the floor in the room. He had a visual of all of her clothes and magazines and books stacked on top of the dresser. He'd probably just end up knocking it all off as he stumbled around, he thought, annoyed.

Well, might as well get a start on it. He sat up, slowly assessing his position on the bed. He reached out and felt the bedside table with one hand, then swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. It was disquieting. He wanted ot open his eyes, he wanted the game to be over, for the frat boys to take the blindfold off. That did not happen, of course, so he slowly began to move around the room, moving slowly just to make sure that he did not fall over something that Meredith had missed.

There did not seem to be anything, and he thought he was just about to the ensuite bathroom that they never used. He did not know why Meredith preferred to use the main bathroom, but he figured it had something to do with growing up in the house and the ensuite being her mothers. They pretty much just used it for its bathtub.

He was not as close to the doorway as the thought, he realized as he walked into the dresser. "Damn it!" he called out, rubbing the place on his him where the sharp corner had bruised it.

"Dr- er—Derek? Are you all right?" George called, possibly from downstairs as his voice sounded far away.

"Yeah, fine. Thanks." Derek called back with a scowl. Oh yeah, fine. Fine in the way that Meredith was often fine. Fine in the 'I'm an idiot who just walked into a dresser' way. He rubbed the bruise. Like he needed more bruises than the freaking car accident had given him.

With a new resolve, built solely on self-disgust, he began again, going at an angle from the dresser and making it into the bathroom. He managed to make it to the toilet and then to the sink, pulling out his toothbrush and toothpaste that Meredith had palced there the night before. He managed to squeeze the paste onto the brush but he was pretty sure that the toothpaste cap disappeared in the time it took him ot do that, so he just placed the open tube on the counter. He hated leaving toothpaste open.

Back in the bedroom he went on a clothing quest. His idea was to look perfectly put together, not at all someone who was getting dressed in the dark, but after five failed attempts with a button-up shirt all of which ended up in the buttons being out of alignment he gave up and found a t-shirt in the pile of his clothes that had landed at Meredith's. He managed jeans and decided that that was enough. It was not as if he were going any where.

He went out into the hallway, slowly, one hand against the wall, waiting for the railing or, he thought sardonically, to fall face first down the stairs. Maybe that would jog something and bring his vision back.

"Need a hand?" George's voice is beside him suddenly. He suspects conspiracy. George was definitely downstairs the last time Derek heard his voice. Or maybe he wasn't. he had not been exactly sure from how far away the intern had called to him. He could have just been in his room, maybe with the door closed.

"Er…."

"You're almost to the stairs. There are seventeen of them. Izzie counted once. I'm not sure why…. She's anal like that sometimes…." George's rambling somehow made the situation less awkward. He could see the smile that he'd be giving him, the 'I'm being helpful' look that was almost like an eager puppy. It should have annoyed Derek, but a part of him was relieved. He did not have to risk the falling down the stairs at least.

George grabbed his arm right before he got to the first one, but after he went down it he gripped the banister with both hands and slowly went down the rest, silently counting. Fifteen…sixteen…seventeen. There. Hardwood floor. Okay. He turned, aware of George hovering right behind him. Somehow he made it to the couch without walking into the coffee table.

He plopped down on the cushions. He felt tired, as if he had just done a twelve hour surgery when all he had done was gotten dressed and gone downstairs. That was something that used to take fifteen minutes, a speck in his day sandwiched by waking up next to Meredith and hurrying downstairs to eat breakfast.

"Hey George, what time is it?" he asked, realizing he had no idea how early or late it was, only that it was sometime after five, since Meredith was gone.

"Um…. Just after eleven. Do you want something to eat? I was about to make sandwiches, so if you want one…."

"Yeah, sandwiches are good," Derek broke in. He heard George start moving around in the kitchen and he sat back on the couch.

The remote, which had apparently been on the armrest was jarred by his movement and fell into his lap. He picked it up and flicked on the TV, feeling around on the buttons. He managed to get it on the local news station and he left it there. The TV was just filler anyway; whenever it was on he felt as if he were missing something, no matter how good Meredith's commentary was. She was surprisingly good at describing things, for someone who usually left so many details out of her life.

"Turkey okay?" George called.

"Yeah, whatever," Derek responded, and then decided to get on with the walking to the kitchen bit. He stood, his hand hovering over the couch until he touched the other arm, and then he began inching around where he knew the coffee table was, his fingertips brushed a lamp, then there was a space in which he could touch nothing, but he also walked into nothing. It was eerie, because there was the sense that he was just waiting for another obstacle. It came in the form of the doorway, which was not such an obstacle.

He stepped sideways until his other hand reached the other side of the doorjamb, grateful that George was in the kitchen and could not see him. It was stupid; it was not as if he had a choice on how to get around, as he was blind, but still he did not want the intern to see him in such a compromising position. It was bad enough that he socialized with the interns so much; a part of him still wanted the authority over the others, if not Meredith.

He trailed a hand along the wall until he reached the doorjamb of the kitchen. He turned and walked into the room feeling around for the nearest chair. He fumbled a little, little, his hand slipping off of the edge of the chair, but he gripped it after another try. Once he sat down he rested his elbows on the table and attempted to look normal. Right. Normal.

"Here you go," George said, and Derek heard the plate slide in front of him.

"Thanks," he said, picking up the sandwich. He heard a plop as what was probably a tomato slipped out from between the bread, but he could not really bring himself to care.

After lunch, Derek made his way back to the couch and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do with himself. He was a surgeon, a workaholic with a God complex who hardly ever left the hospital outside of Meredith's company.

"Hey, Derek, Meredith was up last night setting this up," George said, placing something hard and cold into Derek's hand.

He took it. "My iPod?" he asked.

"Yeah. She put audiobooks on it, I think. Took her much internet searching and swearing, but she figured it out. She said all that you have to do is push play."

Derek nodded and pulled the headphone cord, finding the tiny earbuds and putting them into his ears. He felt around on the iPod for a second, but finally located the play button and pushed.

"This is Audible. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemmingway…." Derek smiled to himself. That was why he loved Meredith. She always remembered the little things. He settled back on the couch to listen.

He soon discovered that he liked this way of passing his time. It was not surgery, but the audiobooks were better than sitting around listening to the TV and feeling that there was a whole nother world that he was missing out on. These were not meant to be seen, there was nothing to see.

He was usually to easily distracted to read an entire book in one sititng, which was why he was incredibly surprised when the book was ending and he had barely moved from the couch. He paused the iPod after listening to the title of the next book. War and Peace. He laughed. He had once told Meredith that if he ever had the chance he would like to just sit down and read the classics; he had used that book as an example.

For a while, for the seven or so hours that the book had been playing in his ears, he had forgotten that he was now blind; that he would not be able to sit up and open his eyes when the book was over. The realization of this made him angrily pull out the earbuds and deposit the iPod onto the coffee table.

"Izzie and Mer should be home soon." George's voice startled him, and he wondered how long he had been in the room. Possibly the whole afternoon, since Derek had been so far removed from his surroundings. "We're ordering pizza, any requests?"

Derek shrugged.

"Okay then, I'll go take care of that."

He heard George get up and leave, and a few seconds later he heard a car door slam. The door opened a second later and he heard Izzie and Meredith come in, laughing about something. He straightened, he did not really want to have Meredith see him brooding again. She did not deserve that.

"Hey you," she said, coming in and kissing him. He felt her plop down next to him and she put her head on his shoulder.

"Hey. How was your day?"

"Long," she sighed. "Long and with much paperwork. Bailey thinks I'm still distracted, so I'm on scut."

"Sorry."

"Not your fault. Besides, I like it when I have a good reason to be distracted." He could imagine the devilish smile on her face and he smiled.

"Well then I'm glad to be your good reason," he said. "Any good patients?"

She paused. She paused for just a second, and he could hear her watch turning over on her wrist. "Nothing in particular. How was the case you had with Sloan, Izzie?"

"You're leaving something out," Derek broke in. "What is it, Mer?"

She sighed and adjusted herself on the couch, he thought so that hse was facing him. She took both of his hand in hers. "There was a girl with severe epilepsy. Dr. Weir is performing a hemispherectomy tomorrow."

It was not a huge procedure, he'd done plenty. But those were something he was good at. Weir was all right, but he wished….

"You okay?" Meredith asked, clearly wary.

"Yeah, fine," he said, forcing himself to smile, to keep her from worrying. He leaned in and her lips came up to meet his.

"Good," she said. "So, in other news, Izzie must be sleeping with Sloan, because she got to scrub in on a huge reconstruction surgery today!"

Izzie laughed, "I am NOT sleeping with Sloan!" she protested, and Derek could hear the blush in her voice.

"Right. What was it he said? He likes something nice to look at in the OR?"

Derek felt a smile creep unbidden to his lips. Mark had said that to him once, complaining about an elderly scrub nurse. They were speaking now, kind of, when they had to.

"She's not sleeping with Sloan," George cut in. Derek tuned back into the conversation going on around him. It was a little too easy to tune out conversations when he could not see the speakers.

There was silence as everyone registered what he was saying. Derek imagined George's face turning red as he realized the implications of his words.

"Oh? And George, how would you--?" Meredith started to ask and Derek laughed at the tone of her voice, but then the doorbell rang.

"Oh, saved by the bell O'Malley," Derek cut in.

Meredith laughed, sliding her hand into his. "Come on, Dr. Shepard, let's eat." She pulled him up and he let her guide him to the kitchen. It was less stressful with her hand in his, her warning him about obstacles. He felt guilty that she had to care for him, but at the same time having her there made his life so much better.

They sat around the table and Izzie dished out the pizza. Once they had all sat down Meredith rested her hand on Derek's thigh.

"So, George, about your sudden knowledge of Izzie's sex life," she said, and they all laughed.

Maybe socializing with the interns wasn't so bad after all.

A/N Review, please/puppy eyes


	8. Out of the Fight

Meredith was grateful that Derek had agreed to go and hang out at the hospital with her before his doctor's appointment. He had seemed almost eager, and she suspected the house was driving him a little bit stir-crazy. It had been a week since the left the hospital, and he had not left the house much since then. She had dragged him out to Joe's one night, and he'd gone with George to do the grocery shopping, but that had ended up being an ordeal. So, she was glad that he had agreed to go out again.

When the day came, though, he seemed edgy. She sat on the end of the bed, dressed, and watched him work on buttoning the shirt he had pulled out to wear. "Want a hand with that?" she asked, off-handedly. He had let her help him with most things, although she was the only one that he would let help him except in insinuating circumstances.

"I can do it!" he said with a scowl.

"Fine, fine, don't go all 'wounded tiger' on me; it was just an offer."

"Sorry," he said gruffly. "Is that straight?"

Meredith looked, and smiled. "Yeah."

"Finally. Can you hand me my sweater?"

She grabbed the gray sweater that she had gotten out of his closet for him, per his request, and put it in his outstretched hand. She watched as he felt around for the tag, found it and pulled the shirt on.

"Good?" he asked.

She stood and went over to him, pulling his collar out and kissing him. "Incredibly handsome as always. Although I miss the stubble." She ran a hand over his smooth cheek. He had gotten up early to attempt to shave, and had managed pretty well, with much swearing and only one nick.

"I have a feeling the stubble will be back soon," Derek said, taking her arm. "That was an ordeal I'd prefer not to deal with too often."

"You had better be grateful that I like scruffy men," Meredith said, "Steps."

He held tightly to her arm and put the other hand on the banister as they went down, but he had gotten better at it. He was not as cautious, although she still worried at the times that he insisted he could go up and down them himself.

"It's five-thirty, there's time for breakfast if you want." He liked it when she told him the time often, it was the one thing that seemed to bother him the most; not being able to have a good sense of time. She had put in an online order for a talking clock, but it had not come in yet.

"Yeah, sure."

"Museli?" she asked, sitting him down at the table and going to the cupboard.

"Whatever. It's easiest."

"Yeah, well that and Izzie's already gone. You _really_ don't want me attempting to cook. I promise. I almost burned my dorm down once in college while attempting ot make spaghetti. I burn rice when I microwave it. There is nothing that involves a stove or an oven that I am good at."

Derek chuckled and Meredith smiled to herself. She liked that she could keep him in a pretty good mood. She had not told him yesterday that her father had shown up at the hospital again, this time with his other daughter who was home from school for the summer holiday and had gotten food poisoning. She had barely had to interact with him anyway. She had not even been the intern on the case.

They ate their cereal in silence, Derek drumming his fingers rhythmically against the table as he brought the spoon to his mouth with the other hand.

"So, it's your last week as an intern. Has Bailey told you when she is going to let you fly solo yet?" Each intern got their first solo surgery during this final week. George had already had his, with Burke and Alex was scheduled to perform a hysterectomy for Dr. Montgomary that day, something that none of them would let him live down.

Meredith took a moment to chew her mouthful of cereal and deliberated. It had not been said outright, but she was fairly sure that she was going to be allowed to perform the next fairly minor tumor removal that came into neuro. She also knew that Derek had wanted to be her supervisor when the time came.

Her first reaction was to shrug, but she knew that Derek could not see that. "Um… I'm not sure yet. Bailey hasn't said yet. But Izzie doesn't know either, so…"

"I guess it depends on what comes into the ER."

"Yeah. You ready to go?"

He shrugged. "If you are. You have to be there soon, right?"

"It's five forty-five, we can make it." She stood up and went over to him, taking his hand and placing it on her arm. He stood up and surprised her by leaning down and kissing her neck.

"I love you, Meredith," he whispered.

She leaned against him, and his arms went around her, protecting her. "I love you too," she replied, and tears suddenly came unbidden to her eyes. She blinked them back, unable to bring herself to move and break the moment. It was so perfect, him holding her this way, in the way that made it seem as if he would not let anything hurt her. She had missed that. Even at night now she felt as if she were the one doing the protecting, with her arms resting on his chest; this was the way he used to hold her.

She hated, _hated_ that they had to go and get in the car. At least it was not she who broke the spell. Derek put another kiss on her cheek and put his arm around hers. "Come on, Dr. Grey, let's get you to work," he said.

She nodded, and began to walk towards the door. They went down the front steps, and she made sure that Derek was managing getting situated in his seat before she went around and started to drive to the hospital.

When they pulled into the parking lot she was five minutes late, but she had explained things to Bailey the night before as she was leaving the hospital.

They got out of the car and started for the door of the hospital. Meredith was grateful that it was not raining, even though she generally liked the rain. Derek's grip on her arm was tight, but he walked confidently.

"There's hardly anyone in the lobby," Meredith began, suddenly. She had not intended to commentate this for him, since he knew the hospital well, but almost as soon as she said it she felt his hand relax a little. "Just some nurses from peds. Dr. Torres just ran to the stairs, I think she's late." She had gotten good at describing things to him in a voice that only he could hear. "We're almost to the elevator. Oh, hold it please!"

She dashed forward, regretting the fact that Derek jerked a little as she slid into the elevator, but he smiled good-naturedly. She leaned up to kiss his cheek, whispering: "No one important in here," in it. His smile made her grin and press herself against his side.

"Are you okay with hanging out in the waiting room? Or would you prefer the locker room or the tunnels?"

"Whatever. I brought War and Peace."

"Waiting room, then, we're there anyway. By the way, only you would be that into a sixty-four hour audiobook. It's ridiculous."

"Well, there's not much else for me to do," he said, and she could almost see his quills bristle.

"Yeah, I know. Well, I have to go face the wrath of Bailey. Page me if you need me. I'll get you for lunch and then we'll head upstairs, okay?"

"Sure," Derek agreed. She leaned down and kissed him, placing one hand on his thigh, and then darted off to change into her scrubs.

* * *

Derek sat in the waiting room chair with his eyes closed, listening to the twentieth hour of the unabridged version of War and Peace when a voice startled him. there were other people in the room, of course, nut he had decided to ignore them since he did not have much of a way of knowing who they were. Not without Meredith. He missed her rather snarky comments when she was not around.

"Well, well, look who decided to come back to his stomping grounds. Can't even stand a week away!"

"Miranda!" Derek said in surprise, carefully pushing the pause button and putting the iPod on hold. Accidentally pushing other buttons had led to long, frustrating times of attempting to find his exact place again, or find the book again.

"How're you doing, Shepard?" she asked, and he heard her sit down next to him. He shifted so that he thought he was facing her.

"I'm all right, I guess. Things could be better. I guess we'll find out today how soon that will be."

"Well… I'll keep my fingers crossed." There was silence for a minute and he could hear Miranda shifting before she said: "Look, Shepard, I wanted to talk to you for a second about Grey."

"Meredith?" Derek asked, in surprise, "What about her?"

"She's exhausted," Bailey said bluntly. "She's doing all right with her work, but it's obvious even to the patients that she's completely drained. Now I don't know what it is; if she's worried or if it's just nerves about becoming a second year resident. I can't help but notice that this is coming up now, though."

Now meaning since the accident, of course.

"Yeah. Thanks, Miranda. I'll… I'll talk to her. I don't think she's really sleeping. She should… I'll make sure…."

"Do that. I can't have her collapsing on me." She squeezed his arm. "I'm glad you're at least feeling well, Shepard, we miss you here."

"Thanks."

He heard her stand up and leave and Derek sat back, letting the hand holding his iPod droop to the side. How had he not noticed if Meredith really was exhausted? Because he was so wrapped up in his own life.

"Ready to go eat?" He was startled by Meredith's voice, sounding peppy and warm, but there was a hint of tiredness in it.

"Yeah, sure. Let's go," he said, taking her hand and kissing her cheek as he stood. He never missed when he was kissing her. She had commented on that earlier in the week. He told her it was because she was a part of him. She had called him cheesy, but he knew she liked it.

"Wait, just a second Meredith," he said, pulling her back.

"What is it?"

"I just… I just wanted to tell you, you don't have to spend all of your time with me, you know. Go to Joe's with your friends sometimes, or whatever."

"What, do you want to get rid of me?"

"No, of course not. I just want you to know, that you can."

"Okay."

"Okay." He squeezed her hand and together they headed to the cafeteria

They went and ate with the interns, and Derek found that he enjoyed their company, although he found that he was just a little jealous of their banter about their recent surgeries. Izzie was jitter about a surgery of Bailey's that afternoon that she was scrubbing in on, and Alex was bragging about the hysterectomy, which had gone off without a hitch.

"Only you would be bragging about taking out a woman's main womanly organs," Cristina pointed out to Alex.

"If it's to cure her cancer, yeah, I would."

"It's twelve forty-five," Meredith said. "Ready?"

Derek pushed his fork into his last, or he was pretty sure that it was his last, piece of lettuce and ran his for along the plate to make sure it was empty. "Yeah, I guess so."

They said good-bye to the others at the table and headed upstairs to the offices that were on the fifth floor.

Neither said if they were nervous, but after Meredith signed the forms for him and sat next to him in the waiting room chairs he could hear the sound her watch made as she played with it; something she only did when she was nervous. His palms were clammy, and he found himself clenching and unclenching his fists until his name was called.

Meredith gave him her arm. "The nurse is old. I'm surprised she's not a patient." Her voice was calm, steady, but there was just enough of an edge to it to relay the fact that she was not as calm as she seemed. Derek could not bring himself to respond.

The appointment itself involved many drops in his eyes, which stung and much poking and prodding. The doctor shown a light in his eyes which made them water. He could detect some kind of a difference with the light, but not much. According to the doctor that was a good sign.

"It's hard to tell how long it will be, or how much the vision will progress," he said. It seemed to Derek from the direction of his voice that he was talking more to Meredith. "It maybe that a little bit more light vision is all he retains. Maybe enough to move around a little easier."

"But it could all come back?" Derek asked.

"It could. I still recommend some form of rehabilitation, because there's no telling how long."

Derek stopped listening, feeling that he had to hold onto the idea that he could regain his vision, he just had to.

A/N Review please!


	9. Where You Lead

Meredith stood by the car waiting for Derek to make his way out of the tall brick building where the rehabilitation offices were housed. There was some rule that she could not go in and get him; he had to make his way out to her, although one of the therapists was always close behind.

"Hey you!" she called cheerfully as he came out of the automatic doors, white can in hand. He hated that, hated the stigma that came with it. She had tried numerous times to sooth him over it, but whenever they went out he pointedly left it at the house, preferring her arm which she was not about to object to.

Usually, his face lit up when her voice reached her, and this time there was some evidence of relaxation and recognition, but his lips were still stuck in a scowl. _Great,_ Meredith thought, _We're going to be moody today. Freaking wonderful._ As she looked more closely though, she saw the reason for Derek's distress. The woman walking out with him was the one therapist there who he particularly detested. She was not sure if he really liked any of them, but this one he really did not like.

Meredith opened the car door for him, the therapist frowned but she did not care. Before he ducked in, though she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. A flicker of a smile flashed across his face and he got in.

"Derek did very well today, Dr. Grey," the therapist said. She was a short matronly looking woman who had a sickeningly sweet voice. "We worked on kitchen things, and he seems to be making progress." She lowered her voice, even though Derek was busy with the seatbelt. "He seems a little uncooperative today, though." Meredith flinched, she sounded for all the world as if she were talking about a four-year-old just out of preschool.

Meredith glanced over at Derek who was staring straight ahead and for just a second she could read his mind. "You know what?" she said to the therapist who cocked her head in curiosity. "I think you might be just a little uncooperative too if you were a world renowned neurosurgeon one day and the next you were being patronized by a therapist because you had been in a life-altering car accident."

"Oh, well," the woman said, obviously not sure how to respond. Meredith decided not to wait for her to put together a sentence, she closed Derek's door and went around to get into the car, leaving the woman spluttering.

"Bitch," she said as she started the car.

"Mmm," Derek murmured, turning his face to the window and resting his chin on his hand.

Meredith glanced at him as she pulled out of the parking lot.

He shrugged, and then turned to her. "You know I'm perfectly capable of standing up for myself."

"I know. Believe me, I know. But you didn't seem to be standing up to that bitch, so I thought I would help you out."

"I don't need your help," Derek said, and Meredith stiffened.

She knew that he was just annoyed at the therapist and not really meaning anything by those words, but she was tired after her first week of residency and he was being insufferable. "You don't need my help? I'm sorry, did I hear you right? For God's sake Derek, all I've done lately is help you!" she sighed. "And I don't mind. I love you. But for you to say that? It… it hurts," she finished, aware that it sounded needy. But she had needs too, and up until a month ago had been the very needy one in the relationship.

Derek did not say anything, just stared broodingly out the window. Meredith felt tears creep into the bottoms of her eyes, but she did not let them fall, just endured the stony silence on the ride to the house. She had half a mind to say that if he did not need her help he could get his own ass into the house, but she could not do that.

She went around the car and stiffly gave him her arm, leading him inside and into the kitchen. They did not speak except for her occasional murmurs of: "Stairs", "coffee table", "Izzie's knitting".

In the kitchen she pulled a chair out and Derek lowered himself into it. Meredith went over to a cabinet and threw it open, staring at the insides of it, but not really seeing them.

"What do you want for dinner?" she asked quietly, ready for the fight (or whatever it had been) to roll over. She was too tired to deal with it. She knew that this was her avoider side coming out, but she did not care.

"Whatever; I would not want to be a burden," Derek said. His tone was so cold and snide that Meredith found that she could suddenly no longer let it go.

"Okay, fine, you want to do this now? We'll do this now. First of all, you are not a burden. You will never be a burden because I love you and I'd do anything for you. But damn it, Derek, I need some reciprocity here! You keep saying that things will be normal when you can see again, and I hope that they will. However, there is the chance," Meredith, paused, licked her lips and then said slowly: "There is the chance that you won't."

Derek flinched, but Meredith kept going, finding words that had been building up inside of her for weeks.

"I'm tired of living in limbo. Of living day-by-day in the maybe vain hope that your vision will start coming back. Derek I want us back. I want to be able to tell you things, and not worry that they'll upset you and that you will turn into this moody… jackass… that you've been." He opened his mouth to interject, probably loudly, but she put up a hand and continued. "It's understandable. You have no idea how selfish I have felt when I've thought these things, but for this to work, for us to work, you have to try. I want to help you. We can move on. We can work through this."

She stopped, waiting for a response. Derek's face did not change. He faced straight ahead, and Meredith drooped. "Look…. I'm tired. I'm a resident; I'm scared every day at work I just… I just… I just need to go, for a while." She picked up her keys from the counter and walked towards the door. For just a second she paused and put her hand on Derek's shoulder. When he did not move she withdrew it hesitantly and continued for the door.

* * *

Derek sat unmoving in the chair that Meredith had led him to for a long while. He was not really sure how long. His only awareness was of Meredith's words, running over and over again through his head. _There's a chance that you won't_. He had never listened when the doctors said it. Had never wanted to face the facts that maybe, just maybe he would never see again. Meredith had seemed to understand that, had tiptoed around it, but now she was throwing it in his face.

He had thought that she had faith. That she knew that eventually he would prevail. It was how they worked. Things got better eventually. Still, there was a part of his brain, the medical part, that kept telling him that no matter how much faith he had in things going back to normal he had no control over this. It would or it would not and there was nothing he could do but wait.

Meredith was tired of waiting. Well, he did not blame her there; he was tired of it too. There was only so much enjoyment one could get from listening to audiobooks all day, even if they were good ones. And the bidaily rehabilitation settings did little to break into the monotony. It was only the times that he was with Meredith and they both seemed to be ignoring his new disability that he liked, that they had fun. He wanted more of those.

She was right. He would have to work for them. To try. This was nothing that should come between them, not like Mark and Meredith and distance had finally come between he and Addison. This was fixable and he was going to fix it.

With that resolution made he jumped to his feet to go after Meredith. then he realized that he could not exactly drive off in search of her.

"Shit," he exclaimed, then walked with one arm stretched out in front of him to the doorway. "George! Izzie!"

He heard feet pounding on the stairs. "Derek? What's up?" For a brief second Derek wondered if George felt as awkward as he did at being on a first name basis, but he could not exactly take the time to ponder that.

"I need you to take me to go find, Meredith," Derek said hurriedly. "We had an argument, and she left and she was right. And really, I just need to go to her. Now."

"Okay, okay," George said. "Calm down, she's probably just at Joe's or something."

Derek ignored him. "Damn it. That freaking cane is in her car."

"No it's not. It's on the coffee table. She must have brought it in. Hold on." George's footsteps retreated for a minute and then he returned, placing the cane in Derek's hand.

He used it to navigate down the hall, although he took George's offered arm when it came to going down the front steps. He fumbled with the seatbelt when he got out of the car, and came to the realization that this was the first time in weeks that he had had difficulty with that particular task. Maybe he was making some progress after all.

"Okay, where to?"

"Well, if you were Meredith—"

"Joe's it is." The car started and they began to drive. "Do you really think that she would be there this early in the day? Right. Meredith."

Derek smiled, but his face felt tight. He wished that they could go faster, but knew that George was pretty much a stickler for the speed limit.

It seemed to take forever before he could feel Geogre turn into a parking lot.

"I don't see her car. Hold on, I'll drive around for a second…." They turned several times, Derek assumed down rows of cars. "Nope, definitely no Meredith."

"Shit. Okay, um, we're close to the hospital, try there."

This turn around the parking lot took longer, as there was much more ground to cover, but still no sign of Meredith's car.

"Maybe her mother…. No…. wait… try the ferryboat docks. The ones closest to my trailer."

"Ferryboats?"

"Shut up and drive."

"You're really cranky when Meredith's not around, you know that?"

Derek did not bother to answer and George turned the car around.

"Damn, you're Meredith psychic." George said after the next eternally long drive.

"Is she here?" Derek asked anxiously, grabbing at the door handle and almost forgetting to unbuckle the seatbelt.

"Yeah. She's on a bench a few yards away. Do you want me to give you a hand going over to her?"

Derek paused, one hand gripping the white can and pictured Meredith sitting there, her hair blowing in the wind.

"Are there any other people around?"

"A few, but they're further down, the ferryboat is close."

"Okay. I'm good then. I need to do this on my own. Thanks George."

"No problem."

Derek climbed out of the car and closed the door, feeling a rush of fear as he began to move forward. He tapped the cane gently against the dock, walking slowly and cautiously, hoping that he would not walk right past Meredith.

He did not have to worry about that. "You found me," her soft voice said from a few feet on the other side of him.

He turned and stepped forward until the cane touched the edge of a bench. Slowly he shifted and then sat down on it. "Of course I did; I'm Derek."

To his surprise this brought out Meredith's laugh, the bright and clear one that he had not heard in some time.

"Tell George he can go ahead and drive away already; I'm not about to fall into the water." A second later he heard the car motor start again.

They sat in silence for a moment, as the wind blew on their faces and the boat whistle sounded.

"So," Meredith said, drawing the word out.

"So," he repeated, taking a breath. "So, I'm sorry. You're right. I've been mopey and stupid. I need to try and make things better for us. I want to try and make things better. I want us. I love you."

Her hand crept into his. "I love you too. I'm sorry I got so angry…"

"I deserved it. I needed to… I needed to hear the truth, and accept it. I may never see again. And if I do or if I don't, I still need to move on with my life. With our lives."

In his mind he could see Meredith smile just before her lips met hers. He felt a small pang of anger that he could not really see her, but her lips on his made him forget that. All that mattered was Meredith.

A/N Sorry these are so far about. School…. There's only one or two more chapters though.


	10. Follow You Into the Light

Derek woke up and rolled over, tossing his arm over his eye to block out the light. As soon as he realized what he had done he shot up. Meredith was not there, she had left for her shift. Slowly he opened his eyes. It was not that he could see, not exactly, but he was aware that the sun was up, that light was shining into the room. It was like having a bright light up against his closed eyelids.

He grinned widely, looking around the room. He could not make a thing out, but there was a hint of something, of hope. It was enough to make him get up and shave, something that was not as treacherous as it had been a few weeks before. None of the merry band of residents was home, even though their schedules did vary from each other more now that they were not all Bailey's sheep.

He could handle the stairs all right now, and the others were used ot leaving things off the floor and not moving the furniture, so he made it ot the couch without any difficulty and plopped down. He had a sudden yearning to watch TV, which was something that he had not done in ages because it annoyed him to not be able to see it.

Several times, as he gazed at the windows, amazed that he could easily tell where they were, he picked up the phone to call Meredith, but then he decided against it. It would be better to surprise her. Time passed ridiculously slowly and as it did a ridiculous idea appeared in his head. He could surprise her; he could surprise her in a big way. He could use the techniques that the batshit crazy therapist was forcing upon him and he could make dinner for Meredith and the others. He was pretty sure that none of them were on call, and there was always something that Izzie had lying in wait to cook for her next day off.

It was an insane idea that would probably end up in a lot of mess, but he was perfectly willing to give it a try. Determinedly, he made his way into the kitchen and slowly began to get his bearings. It would have to be something simple, since he couldn't exactly read a recipe. _Yet_, a voice thrust into his head. _Yet_. With a smile he began to search the cupboards, feeling around for something he could make.

Eventually he settled on spaghetti. He could handle that. He also decided to go ahead and gather the ingredients and then start in a few hours once it was close to the time that they would be home. Methodically he made his way around the kitchen, starting at the cupboard in which he had found the dried noodles and gathering sauce, pans, bread, garlic, salad dressing, salad fixings, spices and anything else he could think of. He arranged them all on the counter. At one point a tomato he was carrying fell and it took him a good five minutes to scour the kitchen for the damn thing, but eventually he found it and placed it on the counter.

Satisfied he pressed a button on the watch that Meredith had given him. "Three oh five" it declared. Good. He'd wait an hour or two and then start with the cooking part of this endeavor.

Unfortunately, although it had little incident, the cooking part of the endeavor took longer than Derek had expected, and he was just pulling the last sheet of bread out of the oven when the front door opened.

"Shit," he swore, whirling around to see who was framed in the doorway. Blurrily he could tell that it at least wasn't Meredith, and after a beat he knew that it was not Izzie either. "George?" he said.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

Derek carefully placed the bread on the cooling rack and then rested his hands on the counter. "Can you keep a secret, George?"

"Yeah, sure." As always, Derek could picture the unsure, George-like shrug that he was giving.

"Okay. I can see. Some. And only since this morning. It's hardly anything, really, but it's something and I think it may even be getting better."

"Have you told Meredith?"

"No. I should, but I want to surprise her--."

"Meredith doesn't like surprises."

"Yeah, I know. But this one? She'll have been expecting for a long time."

He wished he could see realization creep over George's face, as he knew it was.

"I'll need help with it though," Derek said.

"Yeah, sure--." George was cut off by the sound of the door opening again and Meredith's voice.

"Derek? I'm home."

"In the kitchen with George!" Derek called back.

In a second she was bounding in and he felt his breath catch. Even to see the bare essence of her that he could was enough, and yet at the same time it was not enough.

"Derek," she said. "Did you do all of this?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "It's not much, but--."

"It's wonderful," she insisted. "I have something to tell you," she said, throwing her arms around his neck. "I flew solo on a craniotomy today. Completely solo. No older resident hovering over my shoulder. Solo."

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her to him. "Meredith that's fantastic!" he said, kissing her forehead. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Well, I'm pretty proud of you," she countered, kissing his cheek. "And I'm so

proud that I'll even set the table."

"Just so long as you're far away from the actual cooking," George butted in. Derek turned to the counter so that Meredith would not see him smiling at that.

A/N it's short, and the next chapter is what should have been the next half of this, but I hadn't posted in forever and oh my God Meredith might be dead.


	11. AN

A N Hey guys, I hate doing author's note chapters, but this has to be one. I am going to finish Trust and Faith.. Probably by next week. I really should have known better than to attempt a fic during the semester, and I'm sorry you've had to wait so long


	12. Look at You, Baby

A/N Just a note: the ferry boat arc didn't happen in this fic.

"Are you serious?" Meredith asked Izzie, who was standing in front of the bathroom door in the locker room holding out Meredith's short black dress.

Izzie grinned and pulled her other hand from behind her back revealing a plastic bag that held Meredith's hair straightener, make-up and jewelry. "I'm very serious. Go shower and we'll get to work."

As she stepped into the bathroom Meredith felt a wave of intense déjà vu wash over her and her heart began beating faster than she thought healthy. She let Izzie do her hair and make-up as she stood numbly in front of the mirror, unable to process what was going on.

It had been three months since Derek's accident; three long months full of hard work for both of them. Their first fight had not been the last, and there were times when she did not think that they would make it, but they had. That knowledge did not make her any less nervous, though, as Izzie fastened a small gold chain around her neck.

"Izzie," Meredith whispered, leaning against the sink, both hands clutching the porcelain so hard that her knuckles went white. "Izzie, I can't--."

She almost expected Izzie to roll her eyes. Izzie looked as if she wanted to roll her eyes, but she did not. She put her hands on Meredith's shoulders and squeezed. "Meredith Grey, stop doing this to yourself. You and Derek have been through hell and back. He loves you and he wants to be with you, so accept that and move on, okay?"

Meredith swallowed and nodded. "Okay. Okay. I can do that. I can be the marriageable type. I can. Cristina did it. I can do it."

"Okay. Now come on, he wants you there by seven."

Meredith nodded again and followed Izzie out into the hallway and to the elevator. They were halfway to the ferry docks before she realized where they were going and she burst out laughing. "He's so cliché," she said through her laughter. Izzie just glanced over at her, apparently under the impression that Meredith was going into nervous hysterics, which probably was not very far from the truth.

They pulled into the parking lot of the ferry docks, and Meredith saw George's car parked a row away. Izzie turned off the engine and sat there, waiting for Meredith to get out. She hesitated briefly, her hand poised over the door handle; then, she took a breath and stepped out. Her heels crunched the rocks as she walked to the dock, and there stood Derek, off to the side amidst the normal evening traffic of the Seattle ferry.

"You're all dressed up," he called to her as she approached.

She smiled. "Heels are noisy?" she questioned, holding up her skirt to step off of the dock and to where he stood in the grass.

His hand found hers and he gently shook his head. "You look beautiful, Meredith, absolutely beautiful."

She raised her eyes to his, a question forming on her lips, but when she met his gaze it died. He was looking at her. It had been so long since she had really looked in his eyes, because for such a long time he had not looked back and it hurt her every time. But now, now he was looking back. He could see her.

"Derek," she whispered. He smiled, somewhat cockily. "You can see."

"I can see," he agreed. "I can see you, Meredith."

"I should probably be mad," she observed, "That you did not tell me sooner."

"Probably," he agreed, as he crouched down on one knee and reached into his coat pocket. "But are you?"

She could not answer. She could not say or do anything until he said: "Meredith Grey will you marry me?" and then all she could do was nod.

* * *

Their wedding was a small affair. Derek's family wanted it in a church and Meredith didn't care either way, so it was in a small church not far from the hospital. Derek's side was filled with family and friends, while the pews on the bride's side held only her fellow residents, Bailey and her family, the one college roommate who Meredith still spoke to, Susan and her half-sisters (who had surprised her by helping her shop for her dress) and an aunt who she rarely heard from. None of that really mattered though, all that mattered was the man waiting for her at the alter.

Her father walked her down the aisle. He had been more than surprised that she had asked him to, but had been pleased to accept. To her it was a way of mending fences. If her mother had still been there she would have asked her, of course, but she was not there to ask. Only Cristina stood up for her, as her matron of honor. Mark had somehow wormed his way in as Derek's best man, and had had the class to not mention the fact that it was his second time acting as such.

Meredith knew that Izzie was possibly disappointed not to be a bridesmaid, but Meredith had pointed out that if she had done that there would be hardly any one sitting in the church.

As she walked down the aisle, though, she did not really see the people in the pews looking at her. All she saw was Derek, Derek looking at her. Derek looking at her as if she was all that he would ever want to see.

She never thought that this would be her. She used to flit from man to man, not even relationship to relationship but man to man. Now, though, all she wanted was to settle down with Derek.

"I do," she said, when the question was asked. And she did. She wanted nothing else more in the world

It was funny, she thought as she looked into Derek's eyes which held her gaze tightly. They said love was blind. They said you had to have blind trust in the one you loved. Blind faith. But with Derek nothing changed, blind or not. She loved him. She trusted him. She had faith in him.

But really, she did not mind the way he looked at her. She did not mind at all.

A/N. So there it is. I'm so sorry this took so long you guys. Note to self: never write fic during the semester. Love you guys!


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